Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Everyone Needs a P.A. Bank


Recently a friend asked me the secret to a happy marriage. Of course I said the usual: communication, the ability to forgive, kindness, and common interests.  She nodded as if she’d heard it before. Then I added one more thing, a love bank.

My husband and I stumbled upon Dr. Harley’s concept of the Love Bank years ago. Essentially, the goal is to always keep your Love Bank in the positive so that when something bad happens, the sum of good things will outweigh the negative.  The great thing is it’s super easy to keep it in the positive with hugs, kisses, flowers just because, making a special meal, picking up your spouse’s dry cleaning without being asked, leaving a sweet post-it note on the bathroom mirror, saying ‘thank you’.

The other day I thought how fantastic it would be if we all had an individual “Positive Affirmation Bank”. That way when life hits us with something negative--a rejection letter, a nasty review on Amazon, you slam into a creative brick wall and wonder if your muse is gone for good—a Positive Affirmation Bank will carry you over the hump.

Fill your P.A. Bank with positive statements about yourself and your writing. Comments from critique partners and contest feedback can be fantastic ways for us to home in on our strengths objectively.  Fill your Bank with goals fueled by your passion.


Steer clear of statements like “I want to be a published author.” Instead use positive affirmations such as “I am talented and my creativity is thriving”, “I am a successful published author.” 

Be sure to define what success looks like and feels like for you personally and don’t worry about someone else’s definition.

Last, but not least, fill your P.A. Bank daily J!
Please swing by on Friday. I'm posting a picture of my publisher approved cover for my debut paranormal romance, KINDRED OF THE FALLEN.
A big thank you as always to Alex J. Cavanaugh for starting the Insecure Writer’s Support Group.

 

21 comments:

  1. I LOve the bank idea. I post my bank statements on a wall where I write. Helps to read positive comments when my mind is like a wet dish rag.

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  2. I like that idea! Yes, I'd heard of the Love Bank before.

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  3. This is a cool idea. I could have used half the bank the other day.

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  4. Em- Positive thinking leads to positive actions. Posting them is a great idea.

    Alex - Thanks again for starting this awesome group.

    Stina - We never know when we'll be hit with something. That's why the bank is so important. Hope the rest of the week goes better for you.

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  5. I think I need that as well as a love bank.

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  6. Brinda - Both can't hurt.

    Tonja - Nothing stopping you from getting started today.

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  7. Looking forward to seeing your cover, Isis.
    Thanks for the reminder that we need positive reinforcement.

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  8. I love that concept. I did a bible study similar to that years ago. You are so right, positive thoughts will keep us going. We shouldn't burden ourselves with so much negativity by setting up for failure. Concentrate on the good things.

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  9. The Love Bank sounds like a great idea! I can't wait to see your cover Isis! Julie

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  10. I love this! I am going to start slipping notes in my bank so when I feel like...not so good, I can reach in and withdraw one, or two. Thank you.

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  11. Positive affirmation! Speak what you want, not what you don't want. Love it.

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  12. Pretty awesome idea. I'm one who believes in the power of positive thinking.

    And congrats on the baby!! Hope you're both adjusting well and getting some sleep. :)

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  13. So happy you guys like the idea! Please start your P.A. Bank today :)

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  14. "You've been watering the weeds" - that is awesome. This whole post is great. I shall add something to my bank every day. :) And those weeds are officially cut off from sustenance!

    I'm looking forward to the cover reveal!

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  15. Hi Isis. I didn't realise it was an IWSG post until the end, but it was certainly helpful. Love the idea of the Love Bank for a couple and the Positive Bank for writers. Would certainly help to keep us positive.

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  16. This is such a great idea! We've read the love bank bits too for marriage and it's a great idea. Have you ever read The 5 Love Langiages? It's a great marriage tool as well.
    I do keep compliments handy to remind myself. So important to absorb the PA so the negativity can't bring us down.

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  17. What a wonderful idea! Sometimes my negativity is my greatest enemy!

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  18. OH wow, Isis!! I absolutely LOVE this!!!!!!!

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  19. My husband and I always tease each other about having "credit" when we do something nice. I guess it works, since we've been married eighteen years and it just gets better. I'm planning on retiring on my love bank, now I just need to get my PA going so I can financially retire on that one!

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